Streams of Living Water

“If you sleep on it, make it up; if you step on it, wipe it up; if you wear it, hang it up; if you drop it, pick it up; if you eat out of it, wash it up; if it rings, answer it; if it howls, feed it.” So says a set of house rules I saw advertised on the internet. We all have our house rules – all the way from ‘mum does it all’ to ‘children do it all’. After all, most of life is lived in the house and if the house isn’t well-ordered, life falls apart. Our first memories are probably of our life in our parental homes – perhaps in front of a fire or playing in the garden. Up until fairly recently, most people also died at home. Life is lived in the home.

So far in Colossians, Paul has held up for us things of glory – the splendour of the supremacy of Christ; the wonder of His dying blood winning victory over Satan and sin; the importance of keeping our minds fixed on heavenly realities; putting off moral vice and putting on moral virtue. Many of these things may seem high-brow – perhaps we feel as if they don’t make any day to day difference to our lives, and particular our lives in the home. And, if they don’t affect us at home, they don’t affect us at all. After all, someone can be an outstanding Sunday Christian, but be a horror story at home; and someone can be an outstanding employee, but make his home a hell for his family. Holiness must first be a thing of the home.
In view of that, the Apostle Paul now draws the Gospel right down from the heights of heaven into the homes of the Christians to whom he was writing his letter. I intend to spend the next two weeks looking at this section of Christian household rules – this week to look at the first two relationships Paul speaks about – those of wives and husbands, and those of children and fathers. Next week, I want to devote a whole section to the relationship between slaves and masters, because the most direct relation of these words in today’s setting applies to the workplace. Before I do knock on the door of household holiness, and enter into the home of practical godliness, I want to make five introductory points which we need to understand if we are to take the maximum good out of this passage:
a. Heavenly Mindedness Results in Earthly Effectiveness - three weeks ago, we considered what Thomas Chalmers called, ‘the expulsive power of a new affection’ – namely, getting rid of sin in our lives by filling our minds with Jesus. Paul says in vs. 2 “set your minds on things above, not on earthly things”. These things above, we saw, included our Saviour Jesus, our Salvation, and our future. And, if we want to have any Christian growth at all – any happiness and contentment in the Lord – we need to have our head in the clouds of heaven. However, if our heads are in the clouds of heaven, our feet must be on the ground of the home and hearth. Holiness is to be lived out in the here and now of earthly life.
Some think that to live holy lives they need to get away from earthly concerns – so they go and live in monasteries. Others aren’t so concerned about heaven at all and they just focus upon making this life better. Both of these are lies. The only way to make this life better is by focussing on the next; and the only way to truly express the values of heaven is by living with others, amidst all the anxieties of crying children and arguing parents. True heavenly mindedness is the only path to earthly effectiveness in the Christian life.
b. Gospel Freedom Results in Faithful Service – as we have been going through Colossians together, you will have noticed how liberating the Gospel really is – liberating us from the fear of God’s wrath and the burden of our guilt. But that liberty can easily turn into licence, leading us to think that it really doesn’t matter how we live our lives. We have rejected the Colossian false teachers with their stringent and rigid asceticism, but the danger is that the Gospel has so poorly penetrated into us that our character and behaviour isn’t touched at all. But, as Paul has reminded us in vs. 5-17, believing the Gospel results in a changed life and changed priorities. We say goodbye to vice and say hello to virtue – we say goodbye to self-centredness and hello to Christ-centredness. In the Gospel God transforms us so that we want to, and actually become, more like Him – and so we want to serve the Church, just as He gave up His Son for the Church – and we want to live for Him in the home. Gospel freedom results in faithful service – not in moral anarchy!
c. Gospel Service is Reinforced by Gospel Command – when I was a child, very often my parents wouldn’t tell me why they weren’t allowing me to do some things, but allowing me to do others. Perhaps it was because I was too young to understand – but when it comes to our rational God, He always tells us why we are to live in a certain way. In the verses we are looking at tonight, he says to wives, ‘submit to your husbands’ – why? ‘because it is fitting in the Lord’. He says to children, ‘obey your parents’, why? ‘because this pleases the Lord’. He says to slaves, ‘obey in everything’, why? And thus follows the closely reasoned argument of vs. 22-25; He says to masters, ‘give that which is righteous and equal to slaves’ – why? ‘knowing that you have a mater in heaven’. Behind most of the commands there is a Gospel reason. The whole command is founded upon gospel reasons – i.e. we are God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, and each command is followed by a Gospel reason. I hope we get the message – the command cannot be separated from the Gospel – everything is conditioned, especially our obedience, by our understanding of, and motivation by, the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
d. Great Thankfulness Results in Mundane Duty – in vs. 17, Paul tells us that ‘in whatever you do, in word or deed, do it all in the name of Jesus Christ’. We perhaps read missionary biographies and think of the great things men and women of God have done in the past and think that whatever they did, they did in the name of Jesus. Or perhaps we think of preachers, preaching in the name of Jesus. But Paul wants us to understand that the home is the central place where this command to do it all in the name of Jesus Christ, is to be obeyed. The great missionaries and preachers are no exception to this rule – if they cannot do all they do at home, first and foremost, in the name of Jesus Christ – then they are failures – however successful they may be at other things. And furthermore, the most mundane of duties, if done in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, are transformed into something beautiful. Submitting to our husbands, loving our wives, obeying our parents, not exasperating our children, obeying our employers, treating our employees fairly – all these things, which are things we can all do, if done in the name of Jesus Christ are truly great things. Are you thankful enough to God for the wonder of the Gospel to truly love your wife, and to put her interests before your own?
e. Household Holiness Requires Complete Involvement – the last introductory comment I want to make is that holiness in the house requires complete involvement. You will notice that in the succeeding verses, Paul leaves no stones unturned- he speaks about wives and husbands, children and fathers, slaves and masters. This is no Royle family, where dad sits back and every else has responsibilities, but dad doesn’t. Nor is it the modern family, where the parents have all the responsibility while children only have rights. Everyone in a Christian family has responsibilities. If one member of the family shirks his or her responsibility, then the whole family suffers. God’s  Word has a message for everyone – the Gospel lays responsibilities upon parents and children alike.
Having made these five introductory comments, I now want to move on to talk about the impact the Gospel must make upon the relationships of wives and husbands and then children and fathers.
[A] Wives and Husbands (vs. 18-19)
There is no more counter-cultural than Christian marriage – the committed, passionate relationship between a man and a woman. Being such a foundation stone of society, the Bible has much to say about marriage and the responsibility of both partners. First, in vs. 18, Paul talks about the responsibility of wives; then in vs. 20 Paul talks about the responsibility of husbands:
1. Wives – an increasing number of women reject the idea of submitting to their husbands – it seems old, draconian and misogynist. Some have suggested, even some Christians that I have heard, have said that submission implies inferiority – that somehow women are inferior to men. But it does not and cannot mean this – in the dignity afforded to men and women, each possesses the same status before God – in Galatians 3:28 Paul insists that in Christ there is no male or female. To really discover the truth of the matter, we need to understand what this word ‘submit’ means. First and foremost, in the New Testament, it is used of the submission of all things to God – for example in Romans 8:20 we read that God subjected the creation to futility (or literally, the creation submitted to futility), or in Philippians 3:21 Paul talks about the great transforming power of God which enables Him to subject all things. Secondly, it is used to describe the submission of Christ to His Father. For example in 1 Corinthians 15:28 we read of Christ being subject (or submitting) to His Father. Lastly, as in 1 Corinthians 14:32 it talks about order in the church – “the spirits of prophets are subject (or submit) to the prophets themselves”.
Taken together, we discover the following: first, the submission of the woman to the man is to be a voluntary, un-coerced, active submission. That submission does not consist in the breaking of the will, like a cowboy would break in a new horse by breaking its will. A Christian woman’s submission to her husband’s headship and authority must be voluntary and done out of love for Him, and love for the Gospel. Secondly, that submission mirrors the submission of Christ to His Father – the Jesus who said, “not my will, but yours be done”. In a moment, we will discover that the husband is to be like Christ in the depth of His love; well here we find that the wife is to be like Christ in the depth of her submission. He’s always asking the question, “how can I love her more” and she’s always asking the question, “how can I submit to him more”. These two questions, working together, mean that the women is never humiliated, never broken, never stood on – but loved, cherished and nurtured. He’s asking, ‘how can I do what’s best for her’, and she’s asking, ‘how can I do what’s best for him’. Thirdly, the submission of a wife to her husband is fitting in the Lord, in that it reflects the order of creation and the order of the universe – Christ is subject to God, the Church is subject to Christ, women are subject to men. No inferior dignity or status is assumed – it’s purely functional that, in the economy of God, males and females have different functions. And if we want happy, successful, Christ-centred families, we must follow God’s instructions.
2. Husbands – the counter-cultural push placed on wives is to be very carefully balanced with what Paul says in vs. 19 – “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them”. If we husbands want to display day to day, homely holiness, then we are to love our wives and not to be embittered with them. The word Paul uses for ‘love’ here is perhaps the sweetest word in the New Testament – the purest description of God anywhere – the word ‘agaph’. In Ephesians 5:25 Paul describes what this love, with which we are to love our wives, looks like – “husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”. The wife may think that she has a hard job submitting, but perhaps the husband’s – of loving like Christ – is just as hard if not harder. Christ gave up everything for the Church – a people He loves with genuine, heartfelt, passion – a people He died for and now lives for. We are, according to Paul, ‘the fullness of Christ’ – there is an astonishing sense in which without us, as His people, Christ is incomplete. And Christ cried for His people, and He lived for His people, and He sweated for His people, and He put their interests before His own, and He made their rights His responsibility, and He died for them painfully, He now lives for them joyfully and He longs for them longingly. And husbands are being commanded here to love their wives in that way – with true passion, not the lust-filled trash of 3:5, with true commitment, not the greed of 3:6, with true self-sacrifice and true love.
And then, husbands are also commanded not to be harsh with their wives, or not to be embittered with them. Paul may mean be thinking of the way we speak to our wives – remembering our loving responsibilities to them – we are not to treat them, nor speak to them, as if they were slaves. We are not to belittle them with our speech – not the trashy speech of 3:8, but the dignity of 3:12-13. Furthermore, what may be in Paul’s mind is the picture of a husband – pressured outside and in by the world around him – and he is taking out his frustrations on his wife. All the bitternesses of his life are being vented on this poor woman at the end of his sharp tongue. The message for us is this: we must not take out the pressures and stresses of our work lives upon our wives. Talk to our wives, by all means, but don’t take it out on them. Husbands, a wife is not a horse to be broken, nor a slave to be paid, but a wife to be loved, cherished, cared for, spoken nicely to, and, if needs be, died for.
And wives, pray for us husbands to be these kinds of men. And husbands, let us confess our lack of conformity to this perfect standard, remembering that there is forgiveness available in Christ, and there is strength available to us from His Holy Spirit. It’s never too late to start being a holy husband! It’s never too late to have a holy marriage, firmly based in the Gospel and strengthened by the Holy Spirit of God, and all to His Glory.
[B] Children and Fathers (vs. 20-21)
Paul talks first to children, and then to fathers – both have responsibilities in the household – children, in particular, being significant enough to be addressed by themselves:
1. Children (vs. 20) – the same Gospel foundation is to be found in Paul’s address to children as it is to wives – their obedience to their parents is founded upon already being recipients and benefactors of the Gospel message – these children are members of the covenant community of God, saved by His grace, purified by His blood, and encouraged by His promises. Their obedience to their parents also has a Gospel reason attached to it – “for this is pleasing to the Lord”. Again, the Gospel precedes the command, undergirds the command, and follows the command.
Children are commanded to ‘obey your parents in all things’. Now this may seem draconian, but it is no more than Paul calls for in Philippians 2:12, where he speaks of the Christians in Philippi having always obeyed him – i.e. an apostle; and in 2 Thessalonians 1:8, Paul talks about those who obey the gospel of Jesus Christ. We obey the apostolic Word of God, and we obey the Lord Jesus Christ Himself – and these call us, as children, to obey our parents in all things. The message is clear, if children are submitting to the Lord Jesus Christ in the Gospel, then they will obey their parents – it’s all part and parcel of the one thing. If you are a child here, be very careful of setting your parents up as opposites to God – God very often works through our parents and calls us to obey them. Many times, even when I was a student, I didn’t understand or agree with decisions my parents made for me – but looking back, they were right and I believe that God was using them for my good. And so, we are called to obey them in all things. There are few things which adorn the Christian Gospel less than disobedient children.
Paul attaches a reason – ‘for this is pleasing to the Lord’ – which after all is the ultimate motivation and desire of the Christian – to bring pleasure to God by our Christ-likeness. A child can bring pleasure to the heart of God by obeying his parents in the same way a great missionary can bring pleasure to the heart of God by winning a whole people group for Jesus.
2. Fathers (vs. 21) – it is interesting to note that Paul speaks here to fathers, and not to mothers (although perhaps mothers could take something out of what is said here to fathers). Traditionally, in Paul’s society and in ours, the mother has been considered the main influence upon the life of a child – after all, the mother is with the child for most of the day and the child perhaps feels closest to its mother. However, in this verse, by talking to fathers exclusively, Paul is suggesting that fathers have more of a role in bringing up children and shaping their characters than perhaps we might be tempted to think. It really is important that the father is a good father to his children. The impact of a father’s poor parenting can be dramatic – discouraging and weakening the child throughout life. They can make their children bitter. Fathers among us, do we take our fatherly responsibilities seriously enough or have we left the children to be brought up by their mothers?
When Paul talks to fathers of ‘provoking’, ‘exasperating’ or ‘embittering’ he may have two things in mind – both taken from the use of the word in contemporary literature of the day: the first is nagging, where we may continually be nagging our children about everything from the way they dress to the way they speak to their work in school and whatever. Paul says, in Ephesians 6:4 that we are to bring them up in the guidance and instruction of the Lord, but we aren’t to constantly nag at them. He may also have in mind the horrible practice of deriding our children’s efforts – of never saying, ‘well done’, but always tearing them down – always criticising the bad points but never complementing them on the good. Again, we have the example of God the Father as our corrective on this: a perfect Father who said to His Son, “you are my son, whom I love, with you I am well pleased”. Do we say this enough to our children?
The risk of nagging and deriding our children is that they will become discouraged and disheartened. They won’t see their place in the family as being positive and contributory. Rather, they will always feel like failures. And feeling like failures, even though they might succeed in life, they are more likely to fail – fail in marriage, fail in parenting, fail in work, fail in everything. Being told, either explicitly or implicitly that they are failures is a self-fulfilling prophecy and no way to run a Gospel house. In the Gospel, God doesn’t point to our failures, but to the success of Jesus. He says to us, “you are my chosen ones, holy and dearly loved”. Shouldn’t we fathers model the way we think of and speak to our children on the way God thinks of, and speaks to us?
Where are you in your home life? How do you match up to these standards? Remember, there is forgiveness available to us in the cross, and strength available to us through the Holy Spirit to be good wives, good husbands, good children and good fathers. If God sets such a premium upon strong families and good homes, then it stands to reason that He has infinite reserves of strength to give to us for the asking. And what about those of us who aren’t Christians – your greatest need isn’t the good home, but the good news – you need to know Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour – you need to be freed from your nagging conscience and the deriding devil. You can be today – and you can find a true home in Jesus Christ – come now then, knock on the door and it will be opened to you. AMEN